Posted by: raquelmart | 26 March, 2009

Mailshot. Cecilia and Raquel.

Dear Reader

New Property Concept

Have you ever imagined enjoying your holidays in a cosy atmosphere paying an insignificant amount of money?

Once you learn  the advantages that this way of  living offers you will be eager to start enjoying it from this very moment. It’s your opportunity to try a new concept of holidays.

Be the pioneer to live in a flat paying only a part of what you would usually pay.  Why pay through your nose for a flat you’ll only want to use some weeks a year? Morever, you’ll be able to use your holiday flat whenever you want.

Most of  our customers are completely satisfied with this kind of property. Click here to read their reviews. Taking this action was the best decision they ever took !

As soon as you read this mailshot, fill in the attached form and we will get back to you a.s.a.p.

Sincerely Yours,

Meredith Johnson

PS Reply within a week, and get a free week in your flat with no obligation to buy it.

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Responses

  1. Very good use of the second person style!

    Lack of tripling: it could be used to talk about flats, apartments and lofts (as an example of cosy homes)

    The mailshot could be more attractive talking about more concise benefits, for example, holidays’ areas (the coast, the mountain, Valencia, Spain, Europe, The World…), easy payment terms, multiiple-easy-safety choice of flats, previous virtual view available… I don’t know how, but telling the customer your USP.

    In my opinion, the credentials “most of our customers…” confront with “be the pioneer…”

    Very good offer in the PS, I would reply immediately!
    Very good the idea to give the option to announce customers opinions.

    Rebeca.

  2. Yes, you are right, but we though that “be the pioneer” referred to this whole idea in the history of sharing a flat. It´s sure that you are not going to be the first because we had just had other customers. But all of you are the “pioneers”, the first who dare to do this, do you understand me?
    Related to the fact that we haven´t tripled, you are right, we ought to have done it.

  3. Yes, you are right, but we thought that “be the pioneer” referred to this whole idea in the history of sharing a flat. It´s sure that you are not going to be the first because we had just had other customers. But all of you are the “pioneers”, the first who dare to do this, do you understand me?
    Related to the fact that we haven´t tripled, you are right, we ought to have done it.

  4. Well done girls. I like your hook. It would certainly catch me. However, I find the promise a bit vague. We have to wait to read the benefits part to really understand what you mean. THis part could have been improved by using something like ” Not only… but also…”, more catchy expressions. Careful not to be repetitive “as soon as…. asap”.
    I agree with Rebeca, the PS would get me clicking to get my free week.


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